Sunday, January 1, 2012

SOME JOKES TO TICKLE

Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #89


* Strange Story Story of the Cigars


A man from Charlotte, North Carolina, having purchased
 a case of very expensive cigars, insured them against, 
among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked 
his entire stockpile, the man filed a claim against the 
insurance company, stating that the cigars were lost 'in 
a series of small fires'.The insurance company refused to 
pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed 
the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued – and won.




In delivering the ruling the judge, agreeing that the claim 
was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a 
policy from the company in which it had warranted that 
the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it 
would insure against fire, without defining what it 
considered to be 'unacceptable fire', and was obliged to 
pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly 
appeal the insurance company accepted the ruling 
and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars 
he had lost 'in the fires'.


After he cashed the cheque, however, the company had 
him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own 
insurance claim and testimony from the previous case 
being used against him, the man was convicted of 
intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced 
to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. 
===========================================

'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one 
fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'

'No,' the second man replied, 'It's Thursday.'

And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
===============================================


8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high 
desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, 
new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how 
hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. 
Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and 
it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter
 how much power was applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to 
nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them 
what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed 
everything in perfect working condition.

The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the 
prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina 
guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came
 up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE ...

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, 
was the trailer.
===============================================


LITTLE LADY:

A little old lady was running up and down the halls 
in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip 
up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' 
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. 
Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally 
answered, '...........I'll take the soup.'
==========================================

______
Funny Emails For Old Friends:

Now this one is just too Precious.. LOL!

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many 
decades. Over the years, they had shared all 
kinds of activities & adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a 
few times a week to play cards. One day, they were 
playing cards when one 
looked at 
the other and said,
 'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends 
for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! 
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. 
Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her. For at least three 
minutes she just stared and glared at her. 

Finally she said, 
'How soon do you need to know?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Funny Emails Subject: Anyone who has ever dressed 
a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping 
one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy 
boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with 
her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't 
want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, 
she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when t
he little boy said,"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't 
any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting
them on. She managed to keep her cool as together 
they worked to get the boots back on - this time on 
the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face 
and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted 
to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the 
ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner they got the boots off and he said, 
"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me
 wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. 
But, she mustered up the grace and courage she 
had left to wrestle he boots on his feet again. Helping 
him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your 
mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the 
toes of my boots."
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