Everyone is concentrating on the problems we're
having in this country lately: illegal immigration,
hurricane recovery and alligators attacking
people in Florida.
Not me. I concentrate on solutions to the problems.
It's a win -win situation.
1) Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
2) Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level
of levies.
3) Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the
Mexican border.
(Hey, Don't laugh at these ideas. They are better
than what those "Ding Bats" in congress have
come up with so far.)
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COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing
that during the mad cow epidemic our government
could track a single cow, born in Canada almost
three years ago, right to the stall where she slept
in the state of Washington? And they tracked her
calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate
11 million illegal aliens wandering around our
country..Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
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THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for
Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was
written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked
for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
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THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten
Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You
cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not
Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shalt Not Lie' in a
building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...
It creates a hostile work environment.
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Natural Born Citizen
Since we have a new President...some political humor
might be in store. The following is a funny and true
story occurring in an AP Government class at one of
our public high schools. In one civics class, the young
adults were discussing the qualifications to be
President of the United Ststes. It was pretty simple.
The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at
least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class
immediately started in on how unfair was the
requirement, to be a natural born citizen. In short, her
opinion was this requirement prevented many capable
individuals from becoming President. The class was
just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's
attention peaked when she wrapped up her argument
by stating...."What makes a natural born citizen any
more qualified to lead this country than one born by
C-section?"
I cannot verify that this is a true story or not. My point
is that there are people among us, they think like this
....And, my friends , "THEY VOTE !!! "
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This great country of ours !!
So you're a senior citizan and the government says no healthcare
for you, what do you do?
My plan gives anyone over 65 years or older, a gun and six bullets.
You are allowed to shoot two senators and four representatives.
Ofcourse, this means that you will be sent to prison, where you will
get three meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care
you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. Need new hip,
knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.
And who will be paying for all this ? The same government that just
told you that you are too old for health care.
Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income
taxes.
Is this a great country or what ???
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STIMULUS CHECK
Many of you people out there, reading the information
put out by our government, just may not understand the
Stimulus Check payout plan very clearly. I found this
explaination on the internet and it seems to make
everything quite clear.
Just in case you are a senior citizen and have received a
check for $250. This is a very exciting program. I'll
explain it by using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to
taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From the taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a tiny,little bit.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Asia?
A. Shut up! You got your check.
Here are some helpful advice on how to best
help our economy by spending your stimulus
check wisely:
1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your
money will go to China.
2 .If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to
Saudi Arabia.
3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
4. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to
Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.
5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
6. If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to
Taiwan.
7. If you pay off your credit cards. or buy stock, it will
go to pay management bonuses and be hidden in
offshore accounts.
Or, you can keep the money in"America"by
doing the following;
1. Spending it at yard sales or flea markets.
2. Going to baseball, basketball or football games.
3. Hiring prostitutes.
4. Buying cheap beer.
5. Getting tattoos.
These are the wholly-American-owned businesses still
operating in the U.S.
Conclusion:
The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a
ball game with a prostitute that you met at a yard sale
and drink beer all day until you are drunk enough to
get tatooed.
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Two term limit choice.
Here is another idea that may be necessary
for some our congressional politicians to
consider when they get a little too full of
themselves. You have heard their motto!!
What is mine is mine and what is yours may
become mine!
Here is another choice in term limits:
Limit...two terms. One in office and one in
prison.
How many politicians can you remember
that have used this system.(ofcourse they
always fight against the 2nd term.)
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A $50 lesson
I recently asked my friends' little girl what she
wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted
to be to be President some day. Both of her parents,
Republicans, were standing there, so I asked her,
'If you were President what would be the first thing you
would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the home-
less people.' Her parents beamed. 'Wow....what a
worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait
until you're President to do that. You can come over
to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep
my yard, and I'll pay you $ 50.
Then I'll take you to the grocery store where the home-
less guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use
toward food and a new house.
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she
looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't
the home-less guy come over and do the work, and
you can just pay him the $ 50?
I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party."
Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
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