Subject: Fw: Idiot sighting
IDIOT SIGHTING:
Working in a law office, I started to FAX a legal document for one
of the attorneys. As I started to dial, he came running down the
hall, shouting, "Wait, don't let it go, I don't have a copy for
myself." I guess he thought that it would be beamed up.
From: Long Island , NY
IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window
and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also
handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much
money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give
me a dollar bill back." She sighed
and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my
request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and
said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The
clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal
of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too
many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a
good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.
' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge?"To which I replied, "If it was without
my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly
and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stop-light on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer
was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the
light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
blind people doing driving? She was a probation officer in
Wichita , KS .
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her
system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic
working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched
from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and
discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS .
I love this one!:
When I left Hawaii and was transferred to FL, I still had the
Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii .
I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked
me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him
and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge."
He nodded his head and said "Cool!"
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us... and they VOTE... and they REPRODUCE
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Subject: Poor Grandpa!!
There was a family gathering, with all generations around the
table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's
drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he
had to go to the bathroom. When he returned, however,
his trousers were wet all over. "What happened, Grandpa?"
he was asked by his concerned children.
"Well," he answered, "I don't really know. I had to go to the
bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw
that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!"
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Subject: Thanks Sweetie!!
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face
was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they
couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However,
the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would
have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed
that they would tell no one about where the skin came from,
and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at
the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever
had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on
about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome
with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to
thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly
repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every
time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
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> Grannies on the Road
>
>
> Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers,
a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks
to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he
turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
>
> Approaching he car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies -
two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white
as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer,
I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What
seems to be the problem?"
>
> The trooper trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22
was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed,
the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
>
> "But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this
car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."
>
> "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer..
We just got off Route 127
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Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart
A Cow, an Ant and an Old poop are debating on who is the
greatest of the three of them.
The Cow: I give 20 litres of milk every day and that's why
I am the greatest!!
The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can
carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!
Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something.
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Ah, the Golden Years!
A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze..
The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know..........
Is what tells each one where to go!
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If you are a senior you will understand this one,
if you deal with seniors,
this should help you understand them a little better,
and if you are not a senior yet...
God willing, someday you will be.
The 2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special'
was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la
carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife
asked incredulously.
'YES!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
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