INTERESTING SITUATIONS

Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses.
 For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant..... 
The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7). 


Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, 
he just didn' t show up; so the zoo management called the city council 
and asked it to send them another parking agent. 
The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own
 responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee. 
The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll. 


Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or France or Italy is 
a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and
 then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the
 parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. 
Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ...... and no one
 even knows his name. 
I think thi s is my favorite e-mail ever!
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Subject: Do You Dance?


An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. 
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. 
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, 
brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped 
out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have
 you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance ... Never
 really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well,
 you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like
 a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired, the young 
gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked
 both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, 
and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping 
holes of those twin 10 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the 
old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... But... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here: Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old folks, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
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The Whale - A Beautiful and Thought-Provoking Tale


Will and Guy have been sent this report by two of our regular 
contributors to the site - Maggie Nutt and John Reeves. We are 
grateful for their additions.


A female humpback whale had become entangled in a spider 
web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds 
of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat.  She 
also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, 
her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth. 


A fisherman spotted her just east of the Faralon Islands [off the 
coast of San Francisco, California, USA] and radioed for help.
 Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that 
she was so badly off, the only way to save her was to dive in and 
untangle her. A very dangerous proposition as one slap of the tail 
could kill a prospective rescuer.


They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her.


When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like
 joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one 
at a time, nudged them, and pushed gently, thanking them.  Some 
said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives.


The man who cut the rope out of her mouth says her eye was 
following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.


May you and all those you love, be so fortunate as to be surrounded 
by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are 
binding you and may you always know the joy of giving 
and receiving gratitude.
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Only the Irish have Jokes Like These

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just

been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
and he's walking with a limp.
  "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
" That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that
to you, he must have had something in his hand."
" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and
a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
" That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
it was, but useless in a fight."
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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.
" So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
a few to drink this evening."
" I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"D id you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest,
that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've
somethin' to tell ya".
" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
Tim.  But where's my husband?"
" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
" I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead
and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim.. "How did it happen, Tim?"
" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of
Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth,
Tim.  Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact,  he got out three times to pee."

************************************************

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday
morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My
husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
S he says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

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AND THE BEST FOR LAST

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters
a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention
but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall .
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's
no paper on this side either!
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