mom's new baby Left by some one that moved out and left if.
Love you....Dad
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Don't mess with Little Old Ladies--A warning!
===============================================
By Bob Wallace
Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth 'Grammy' Gordon,
an 83-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was originally
charged with assault and battery, and assault with a deadly weapon,
because of an altercation she had last week with six airport security
guards, that left all six hospitalised.
'Justice has been served', said the 95-pound mother of three and
grandmother of six, as she sat in her wheelchair, aided in her
breathing by an oxygen bottle. 'Now I'm going to sue every fool in
the federal government for ignorance, stupidity, and just plain
general incompetence.
I'm an American, and I won't be treated like this.'
The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to board
an airplane. 'These guys are supposed to be some kind of
professionals', she said, 'but they're dumber than rocks. Here they
were letting guys who looked just like terrorists walk through without
searching them, and then they pull me aside and tell me they're
going to search me? I don't think so.'
According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, one
guard, 'who weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was drunk,
and had his shirt out, told this woman she couldn't board the plane
unless they searched her. He was really rude.
That's when the trouble started.'
Videotapes showed that Gordon ran the guard down with her
motorized wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man while
spinning her chair in circles. 'Doofus was so fat he couldn't get up',
said Gordon with a giggle.
One guard who attempted to pull Gordon's wheelchair off of the
screaming man from behind was hit over the head with an oxygen
bottle and knocked unconscious. A third guard, who approached
Gordon from the front, was also left dazed on the floor. Witnesses
said she was cackling, 'Put your hands on an old lady, will you?' as
she bashed both guards. The tape also showed a fourth guard
attempting to grab Gordon's wheelchair. Gordon removed a knitting
needle from her purse and stabbed him in his left buttock.'
What a wimp, 'she told reporters.' He started screaming and
grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that someone kicked.'
'It was amazing', said another witness, a Scott Ryan. 'The whole
crowd just stood there cheering and clapping.
I mean, she was whupping butt.'
A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of his pants
set on fire with a cigarette lighter than had escaped detection.'
He just went whoosh across the concourse, screaming and slapping
at all these flames flying out of his rear, 'said Ryan.
A sixth guard did finally manage to get Gordon in a body hug.
'I think that was the wrong thing to do, 'said another witness, who
declined to be identified.' She just grabbed him by his greasy hair
with one hand and cracked him across the jaw with her skinny fist.
And down and out he went.'
After all this, Gordon's chair was still sitting on top of the first guard.
The tapes clearly showed her leaning over and yelling, 'Apologize
to me, you fat sumbitch, or when I'm done with you you'll just be a
greasy spot on the floor!'
As the crowd roared, the guard cried, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uncle!
I won't do it again!'
Finally, Gordon surrendered without further incident, and was taken
to jail and released on her own recognizance.' We didn't have any
choice, 'said an unidentified officer of the court.' Over 200 people
showed up to support her. I think if we had demanded bail, there
would have been a riot.'
Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing
the precariousness of the case, Gordon was not charged with
anything. 'I doubt there's a jury in the whole country that would have
found her guilty of anything, 'said one of the lawyers.
'I'm flying again tomorrow', Gordon told reporters. 'And I suggest
no one at the airport so much as look at me wrong.'
=================================================
Friday, July 13, 2012
If you need a reason to laugh--Here it is!!
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? < BR>
Why are they called apartments whenthey are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe,
why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Little Dog of Love
WE DON'T HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS...........JUST
GOOD FRIENDS
Let's see if you send this back...
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.
He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and
set about nailing it to a post on the edge of
his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the
post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked
down into the eyes of a little boy..
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your
puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat
off the back of his neck, "These puppies come
from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then
reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a
handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take
a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out
a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran
Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain
link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the
dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy
noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the
runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence,
reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his
trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down
both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir,
I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and
picked up the little pup.
Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge,"
answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love.."
The world is full of people who need someone who
understands.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
How to paint a FLAT WALL !
|
This is Eric, in his element, 30' off the ground.
He does most of the artwork by himself
and researches, paints and designs
each project from scratch.
His wife Kathy, also an artist,
serves as project manager.
After photo
Finished product.
MORE BELOW!
Here are some more examples of Eric's projects
Before photo
Great American Crossroad - Bucyrus, Ohio
After photo
Before photos
After photo
Liberty Remembers
Hard to believe you're looking at a flat
2-dimensional wall.
How to dress up a drab Shopping Mall
in Niagara, NY state.
Before photo
After photo
Also, look at the close-up of the left side
And the middle
(I wonder how many birds
fly into this wall on a daily basis?)
Indoor Murals at the Hallway of Miller Brewery
Before
Miller Fermenting Rooms
Past meets Present in the Miller Brewery
fermenting rooms. Hooks, clipboards and aprons
were added to the surface of the murals to enhance the illusion...
After photos
You're looking at FLAT walls!
Detail view looking down the illusional
hallway in the previous mural
SIMPLY AMAZING, ISN'T IT?
I wonder how many people walk into the walls, while trying to go down a hallway that does not exist!
I am so glad that I found this gem!!!
Monday, May 28, 2012
passing on funny story items
Does Hell give off heat or absorbs heat
(A bonus question asked on a college quiz).
One student's answer - He got an "A".
1st we have to determine how the mass of Hell is changing in time, by knowing the
rate at which "souls" are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. We
can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.Therefore,no souls
are leaving Hell.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist
in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell a has to expand porportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you'. Then we take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, therefore number 2 must be true,and
thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct. Logically, this leaves only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, 'Oh my God!'
**************************************************************************************
An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant
70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel. When she
checked out in the morning, the clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high.
"It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just
an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted
on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk,
announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a
huge conference centre which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them," she said.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the
in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best
entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I
didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she
decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.
"But madam, this check is for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she
replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens
********************************************************************************
Advice from Canman
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered.... Not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with,
watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from
bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly,
and leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man.
If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
====================================================
Subject: Fishing With Jack Daniel's
I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth.
Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth
I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my
bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So,
I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little whiskey in its
mouth. His eyes rolled back, and he went limp. I released him into the
lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with
two frogs in his mouth.
Life is good in the South.
Ah come on, I said it was a fish story
=======================================================
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved I love you, Sally .
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, We've got to give it back. Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday? Sally said, No. Andy said, She's lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, Don't believe him, he's getting senile!
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.Andy said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We're outta here!
=================================================================
(A bonus question asked on a college quiz).
One student's answer - He got an "A".
1st we have to determine how the mass of Hell is changing in time, by knowing the
rate at which "souls" are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. We
can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.Therefore,no souls
are leaving Hell.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist
in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell a has to expand porportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you'. Then we take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, therefore number 2 must be true,and
thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct. Logically, this leaves only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, 'Oh my God!'
**************************************************************************************
An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant
70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel. When she
checked out in the morning, the clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high.
"It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just
an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted
on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk,
announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a
huge conference centre which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them," she said.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the
in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best
entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I
didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she
decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.
"But madam, this check is for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she
replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens
********************************************************************************
Advice from Canman
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered.... Not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with,
watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from
bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly,
and leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man.
If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
====================================================
Subject: Fishing With Jack Daniel's
I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth.
Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth
I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my
bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So,
I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little whiskey in its
mouth. His eyes rolled back, and he went limp. I released him into the
lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with
two frogs in his mouth.
Life is good in the South.
Ah come on, I said it was a fish story
=======================================================
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved I love you, Sally .
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, We've got to give it back. Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday? Sally said, No. Andy said, She's lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, Don't believe him, he's getting senile!
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.Andy said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We're outta here!
=================================================================
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)