Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and
I had her shot.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part
.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been
bothered by very close veins
.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault
.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday,
we thought it was Sunday
.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.
She spent a weekend with the Marines
.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold
and could not breed well
.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed
with gramps
.
BONUS:
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever,
sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also
sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and
ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P. E. today.
Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and
I had her shot.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part
.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been
bothered by very close veins
.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault
.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday,
we thought it was Sunday
.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.
She spent a weekend with the Marines
.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold
and could not breed well
.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed
with gramps
.
BONUS:
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever,
sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also
sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and
ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes,
he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so
scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps
with the woman next door."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied... 'Two years
older than me'
So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.. She responded,
'Hardly worth going home, isn't it?
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
HERE’S A LESSON FOR YOU. BET YOU NEVER KNEW THIS!
A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which
I now can relate:
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana’s death.
Question: How come?
Answer
:
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes
in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on
Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling),
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles,
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by a Canadian, using American
Bill Gates’ technology, and you’re probably reading
this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals…..
That, my friends, is Globalization!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1872, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower
intestine.
In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the
intestine out of the goat first
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* Ten Marvellously True But Very Funny Sayings about Golf
1) I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers
in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back
nine - Bruce Lansky
2) They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more
complicated than that - Gardner Dickinson
3) I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time
getting out of them - Harry Tofcano
4) Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and
the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that,
the winner buys the drinks - Anon
5) I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter. I won't play - Anon
6) Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money -
Lee Trevino
7) The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil -
8) I'd like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would
have to play from the rough, not just me - Seve Ballesteros
9) If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the
wrong golf ball - Jack Lemmon
10) Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even
smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose -
Winston Churchill
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Golf balls (Short one)
I was at the golf store comparing different
kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was
approched by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls.
My sister hasn't stopped laughing yet !!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured
by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the
ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the
winner buys the drinks.
Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.
If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even
during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot
rarely make a perfect shot.
The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase
"maul it again."
A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two
golfers ... neither of whom can putt very well.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly
you play; it is always possible to get worse.
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