Articles that last in your memory (for awhile,anyway)

I remember doing this one before....but it is so deserving that I decided  to do it again!!!!     Mothers are ......... The Most Important Persons in the WORLD! THANKS MOM       GOD Bless         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHY GOD MADE MOMS........... Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the  following questions: Why did God make mothers? 1.  She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2.  Mostly to clean the house.. 3.  To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2.  Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used  bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything  nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2.  They had to get their start from men's bones..  Then they mostly  use string, I think. Why did God give you your mother and not some  other mom? 1.  We're related. 2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom  like me. What kind of a little girl was your mom? 1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff. 2.  I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty  bossy. 3.  They say she used to be nice. What did mom need to know about dad before she  married him? 1.  His last name. 2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer? 3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your mom marry your dad? 1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot 2.  She got too old to do anything else with him. 3.  My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on. Who's the boss at your house? 1.  Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball. 2.  Mom .  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed. 3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. What's the difference between moms and dads? 1.  Mom s work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work. 2.  Mom s know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends. 4.  Mom s have magic, they make you feel better without medicine... What does your mom do in her spare time? 1.  Mothers don't do spare time. 2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your mom perfect? 1.  On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue. If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be? 1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that. 2.  I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me. 3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I told my friend ... This morning I waded across a raging river, escaped from a bear in the woods, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand,and climbed up an enormous tree! ... My friend said, " You must be some outdoorsman ! " " No, "     I replied, " I'm just a lousy golfer. " ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    The Recession is Hitting Everybody.... I got a  pre-declined credit card in the mail. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. If the bank returns your check marked ”Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from  America . Parents in  Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her! A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into  Mexico . A picture is now only worth 200 words. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in  Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! And, finally... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in  Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.   When times get tough, remember that laughter's the best medicine ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject:  Analogy Subject:  Analogy           And this is why we have added over 200,000 new federal employees in the past two years,   and no one can explain why we are still in a recession.   It's not a good time to be an ant.