Claire, after retiring from a busy life in business, travels around
the country visiting antique shops trying to find bargains.
One day she goes to an antique shop in Stratford upon Avon,
England. Here, Claire speaks to Victoria, the shop's owner,
'When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat
head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it.'
'Sorry,' replied Victoria, 'but I can't possibly sell you that.'
'Oh, what a pity, but why not?' inquired Claire.
'Because,' said the owner, 'that's my husband.'
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* True Story - Bakery for dogs opens in Paris
An award-winning pastry chef has opened a bakery that caters
only for dogs in Paris. Mon Bon Chien sells bacon biscuits in
the shape of a cat and bone-shaped cookies made of foie gras,
reports the BBC.
The owner is Harriet Sternstein who moved to Paris from the
US with her dog Sophie-Marie. Sophie-Marie provided the
inspiration for the new business for her owner, who decided
the best way to make a living was to combine her biggest
enthusiasms - pastries and pets.
"Everything is made in the back of the boutique,"
said Ms Sternstein, "Every day, I make 200 to 300 biscuits
and special orders are taken on a daily basis.
"The Parisians come - and the first time they think it's very
funny and they look at it, and buy the ones that they think
are the cutest. Then the dogs come back and choose which
flavours they like the best.
"I change flavours, based on what's going on, I will be creating
a special biscuit for Valentine's Day."
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Will and Guy's Strange but True Stories - Hospital
A woman telephoned St Mary’s Hospital and asked to speak to
Ward E2 as she was enquiring as to the progress of one of the
patient’s in that ward. She explained that she wanted to know if
the patient was getting better, doing as expected or getting worse.
A staff nurse answered the phone, "Hallo, Ward E2. What is
the name of the patient and his room number?"
"He is in bed 1, room 10, "came the reply,
"And his name is Albert Brown."
"Could you hold the line for a moment, "the nurse asked,
"While I check his records. Ah, yes, Mr Brown is doing well
: blood pressure OK, blood test results appear normal,
he’s going to be taken off the heart monitor and if he continues
to improve then Doctor Svoboda is going to send him home
tomorrow at midday."
"Oh, that’s super, amazing, I’m so pleased to hear the news;
it really is fantastic, thank you so much."
"You sound so glad,"replied the nurse, "You are so and
enthusiastic you must be a close friend or a relative of Mr Brown."
The man answered, "Not exactly, I’m Albert Brown
in Ward E2, room 10, bed 1. Nobody in here ever tells me anything."
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Thoughts from George Carlin
Don't sweat the petty things
and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor ...
If man evolved from monkeys and apes,
why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly
is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose ...
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets
aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
If a mute swears,
does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking
and there is no woman around to hear him ...
is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued,
can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell,
is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime,
do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns
because they taste funny?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
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During a visit to the doctor, I asked, "How do you determine
whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug.
Would you like a bed near the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON
OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE? :)
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The big wall !
Three men - a Canadaian farmer, A Maine farmer and
Osama bin Laden are all working together one day. They
come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each one of you one wish,which is three
wishes in total,' says the Genie.
The Canadian says,'I am a farmer and my son will also
farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada..
"POOf ! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in
Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, ' I want a wall around
around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels,
American or Canadians can come in our precious land.'
Poof! Again,with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was
a huge wall around thosecountries.
The Mainer says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me
more about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well,it's about 5,00 feet high,500
feet thick and completely surrounds those countries.
Nothing can get in or out; It's vertually imprenetrable.'
The Mainer sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says,
'Fill it with water.'
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Gentle Thoughts for Today--
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.
It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house,
is to buy a replacement .
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong ,
you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name,
is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice:
When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point,
when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way
.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging,
is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft.Today, it's called golf
You can only be as happy as you let yourself be!
Lord,
Keep your arm around my shoulder,
and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!
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