An Old Cherokee Saying
This is probably the best I've ever heard life explained!
TWO WOLVES
One evening an old Cherokee to ld his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said,"My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all."One is Evil - It is anger,
envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies,
false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other is God - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,
empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."The grandson thought about it for a minute
and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"The old Cherokee simply replied,
"The one you feed."
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Subject: Thoughts to Ponder
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008
# 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
# 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
# 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
# 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
# 6 - Some people are like a Slinky. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
# 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
# 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.
# 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
# 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
…And The # 1 Thought For 2008 :
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and mill ions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration?
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WAL-MART SENIOR GREETER
You just have to appreciate this one. Young people forget that we old
people had a career before we retired......
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to
work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker,
really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company
and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job
when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.”
“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.”
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “It's odd though your
coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they
say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted
and said, ‘Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?’”
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Sunday Morning – The Best Time To Make Love!
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95
year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on
Sunday morning.”Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two
people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking
for trouble. Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago,
realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it
was when the church bells would start to ring.
It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too
strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
“he’d still be alive if the damn ice cream truck hadn’t come along!
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I was in the Mall the other day, looking for a Valentine’s Day gift,
when I collided with a young man.
I said to the young man, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife
and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young man says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking
for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
I said, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife
look like?”
The young man says, “Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair,
big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white
shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”
I said, “Doesn’t matter — let’s look for yours.”
Most of us old guys are helpful like that.
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THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!
We Must Stop This Immediately
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are
heavier. And, everything is farther away.. Yesterday I walked
to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our
street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the
young ones.. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask
them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves,
endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red
in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.
On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than
I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so
much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my
hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection
well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they
used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking
life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.
All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way
I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else
would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress
as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who
make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they
think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA!
I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these
people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going
on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too:
they've printed the phone books in such small type that no
one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning:
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will
have to suffer these awful indignities...
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS
SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY
STOPPED!
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because
something has happened to my computer's fonts-they are
smaller than they once were...
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Variety of candy and nuts.
My sister and I were at the mall and passed
by a store that sold a variety of candy and
nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and
walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
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Nine Months Later
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up
Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they
got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could
spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid
the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn.
And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and
settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared,
and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of
skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he
finally determined that it was from the attorney of that
attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember
that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski
holiday up North?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night and pay her
a visit?
"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her
your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?
Now keep that smile for the rest of the day!
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