Murphy's Laws

Definition of Murphy's Law


If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong
(Sometimes known as the 4th law of Thermodynamics).


I have traced Murphy's law back to a Captain Edward A. Murphy,
 an American engineer at Muroc, California (later named Edwards 
Air Force Base).  In 1949 he was working on a project to test the 
effects of sudden braking.  Time after time his machinery failed, 
exasperated he said of his technician, 'If there is any way to do it
 wrong, he'll  find it.' John Paul Stapp picked up on Murphy's
 phrase and used at a press conference.


As with any good idea, Murphy's Law can be adapted and extended.
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Examples of Murphy's Law


Your lost needle will be found by your husband when he is 
walking around barefoot
.
The worst pupil in any class will be a school governor's son.


Uniforms only come in two sizes, too large and too small
.
Vital documents that were posted with no errors, will develop
 errors in the mail.


The other queue always moves faster
.
In order to get a bank loan, you must first prove that you don't 
need the money.


The classic example of Murphy's law:  If you drop a piece of toast
 it always falls buttered side down.
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1st Amendment
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that
 will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.


2nd Amendment
If you realize that there are three possible ways in which 
something can go wrong, and cover them all, then a fourth,
 unprepared for way, will miraculously appear out of thin air.


3rd Amendment
When something breaks, the parts damaged are in direct 
proportion to their value.


4th Amendment
The failure does not appear until the machinery has passed 
its final inspection.


5th Amendment
When you drop a part, it always rolls into the darkest corner.


Last Amendment to Murphy's law
Any attempt to print out this copy of Murphy's law will crash the 
computer.


Lesser Known Murphy's Laws


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear 
bright until you hear them speak.


He who laughs last, thinks slowest.


Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.


Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.


The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting 
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.


If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would 
be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill,
 in the fog.


If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.


The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by
 those who got there first
.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish 
and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.


Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries
.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room
.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


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Murphy's Law of DIY (Do-It-Yourself )


Any project will require at least two journeys to the hardware shop.


If you need more than one item (pair, four, etc) the probability that 
one will be damaged or the wrong colour is directly proportional to 
the desire or need of the object.


You always need more paint.


You never have enough nails, screws or glue.


The likelihood that you will complete a weekend project before 
the end of the weekend decreases with when you actually start 
the project.


Therefore: Any plumbing project started after 4pm on Sunday 
will require an emergency call to the plumber to get the water
 running again.


To estimate the amount of time needed to complete a project: 
estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use 
the next highest unit. Hence: A one hour task will take at 
least two days to complete.


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Twenty Fabulously Funny Examples of Murphy's Law


Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with 
grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to go to the
 rest room.


Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least 
accessible corner.


Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly 
proportional to the stupidity of your act.


Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never 
get a busy signal and someone always answers.


Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work
 because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will 
have a flat tyre.


Guy's Variation Rider - If you change queues or traffic lanes,
 the one you were in will always move faster than the one you
 are in now. This also works in supermarkets and shops.


Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, 
the telephone rings.


Decree of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting 
someone you know increases dramatically when you are 
with someone you don't want to be seen with. This is also
 the case if you are female and you have gone out with no 
makeup and wearing your worst clothes and with greasy hair
.
Murphy's Office Law - When you try to prove to someone that
 a machine won't work, it will. Will also finds this when he shows
 someone that something on the computer is easy and it doesn't
 work.


Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely
 proportional to the reach.


Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are 
furthest from the aisle arrive last.


The Starbucks Edict - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot 
coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last 
until the coffee is cold.


Murphy's Law of Lockers -If there are only two people in a locker
 room, they will have adjacent lockers.


Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced
 marmalade sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are 
directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet.


The Conundrum of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if 
you don't know what you are talking about.


Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


Oliver's Rule of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no 
feet. Will's favourite!


Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as 
you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go 
to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. 


Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.


Will and Guy's Law - If you don't save things on your computer 
you will, sooner rather than later, delete them.


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