Only in America - Allegedly true food story from the USA
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under
investigation for medical insurance fraud.
After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had
worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby
pizza parlour with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI
because they were taping all conversations at the hospital:
Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors.
We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance
to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my chequebook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the
pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so. *Click*
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From The London Times:
A Well-Planned Retirement
Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars
and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a
very pleasant attendant.....
The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7).
Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work,
he just didn' t show up; so the zoo management called the city council
and asked it to send them another parking agent.
The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was
the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the
attendant was a city employee.
The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been
on the city payroll.
Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or
France or Italy is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine
installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to
show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking
fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years.
Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ......
and no one even knows his name.
I think this is my favorite e-mail ever!
=============================================================
Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #126
Men Jokes (2)
Here are two of the better 'Men Jokes'. In many ways these men
jokes are the mirror image of the blonde jokes. Stereotyping,
yes, fun, indeed; do they offend me as a man, definitely not.
1) New Cot
One Monday evening a Jessica found her husband Mike with
his head cocked looking at their baby's cot. Silently she
watched him. As Mike twisted and turned looking at at their
infant, Jessica could see on Mike's face a mixture of emotions:
disbelief, doubt, joy, surprise, enchantment and scepticism.
Mike did not usually show his emotions and his unusual display
brought tears to her eyes. Jessica put her her arm around her
husband and asked. "A penny for your thoughts."
"It's amazing!" Mike replied. "I just can't work out how Kiddicare
are able to make a cot like that for only $49.99."
2) Welsh Husbands
A Welsh lad came home from school and told his mother he had
been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful," replies his mother, "what part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Welsh husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell your teacher you
want a speaking part."
============================================================
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal
car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates
waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder.....
Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know.
This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is
still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get
married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground!
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here!
Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER!
====================================================
Subject: Drug Problem
I had a drug problem when I was young.
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for wedding and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions no matter the weather.
I was drug to the bus stop to go to school every weekday.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful
to adults and teachers.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed
my parents.
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my
behavior in every thing I do, say, and think. They are
stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's
children had this kind of drug problem,
America might be a better place.
Signed,
Old Fart
I found this gem while I was surfing the internet and it
brought back many memories, because I was drug
in a similar fashion. The only drug that got me for awhile,
was cigarettes,and I kicked that.
Another Old Fart (Me).
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