JOKES FOR LABOR DAY

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. 
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the 
child innocently.
"You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. 
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' 
and it didn't move."
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2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. 
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
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3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, 
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out 
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
 Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
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4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
 tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he 
asked with a tremor in his voice "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" 
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. 
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." 
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
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5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's 
sermon. All the children were invited to come  forward. One little girl was 
wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned 
over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" 
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, 
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
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6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year 
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the 
shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, 
remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." 
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
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7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that 
son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying 
and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, 
"I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your 
teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
 Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you 
teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are 
learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to 
say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped 
laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, 
two plus two, THE SUM OF WhICH, is four."
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8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
 to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried 
to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the 
farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused 
then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" 
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking 
chicken!'" THe teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, 
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, 
she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday 
School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" 
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?
 Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." 
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, 
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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A blonde in church




An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this
 congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. 
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community 
cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
 Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from 
God and this Christian Family.' 


No one moved. 


The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit 
this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart 
you will feel glory. Now, stand and confess your transgression.' 


Again, all was quiet. 


Then, slowly, a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop 
traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice
 quivered as she spoke, 


'Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you
 were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends 
that you were a wizard under the sheets.' 


The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared. 
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