Does Hell give off heat or absorbs heat
(A bonus question asked on a college quiz).
One student's answer - He got an "A".
1st we have to determine how the mass of Hell is changing in time, by knowing the
rate at which "souls" are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. We
can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.Therefore,no souls
are leaving Hell.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist
in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell a has to expand porportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you'. Then we take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, therefore number 2 must be true,and
thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct. Logically, this leaves only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, 'Oh my God!'
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An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant
70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel. When she
checked out in the morning, the clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high.
"It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just
an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted
on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk,
announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a
huge conference centre which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them," she said.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the
in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best
entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I
didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she
decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.
"But madam, this check is for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she
replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens
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Advice from Canman
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered.... Not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with,
watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from
bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly,
and leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man.
If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
====================================================
Subject: Fishing With Jack Daniel's
I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth.
Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth
I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my
bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So,
I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little whiskey in its
mouth. His eyes rolled back, and he went limp. I released him into the
lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with
two frogs in his mouth.
Life is good in the South.
Ah come on, I said it was a fish story
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No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved I love you, Sally .
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, We've got to give it back. Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday? Sally said, No. Andy said, She's lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, Don't believe him, he's getting senile!
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.Andy said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We're outta here!
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