Great Enjoyable Jokes

Aussie Barbeque Season 

After 4 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the Barbeque, usually on a Saturday, the following chain of events are put into motion: 

Barbeque Routine

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part: 

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again: 
7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine.....

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all: 

10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.... 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They must teach all kind of things in medical school.







A midget in Texas went to the doctor because his testicles ached
 almost all of the time. The doctor told him to stand on the 
examining table and drop his pants. The doc put one finger under
 the midget's left testicle and told him to turn his head and cough -
 the usual method to check for a hernia.
"Hmmm...” mumbled the doc as he put his finger under the right
 testicle, he asked the midget to cough again, "Hmmm, I see
 the problem," said the doctor and reached for his surgical 
scissors.  Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, on the right side, then
 snip, snip, snip, snip, snip,  on the left side.  The midget
 was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement
 that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget
 to hop down off the table, pull his pants up, and then walk around
 and see if his testicles still ached.  The midget was absolutely
 delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered
 his testicles were no longer aching. 
  
The midget said,”That's perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it! 
What did you do?"    


The Doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your 
cowboy boots."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Minorities 

We need to show more sympathy for these people. 
* They travel miles in the heat. 
* They risk their lives crossing a border. 
* They don't get paid enough wages. 
* They do jobs that others won't do or are afraid to do. 
* They live in crowded conditions among a people who 
   speak a different language. 
* They rarely see their families, and they face adversity 
   all day ~ every day.. 




I'm not talking about illegal Mexicans ~ 
I'm talking about our troops!   
Doesn't it seem strange that many Democrats and 
Republicans are willing to lavish all kinds of social 
benefits on illegals, but don't support our troops? 






Please pass this on; this is worth the short time it takes. 


( A veteran is someone who, at one point in their life,
wrote a blank check made payable to
‘The United States of America ’
for any amount, up to and including their life)


READ THESE LAST FOUR LINES again !YOU KNOW
THAT THIS IS TRUE>>EVERY WORD OF IT !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Fw: Why Men Prefer Rifles Over Women


The Top Ten Reasons
Men Prefer Rifles Over Women
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one Rifle at home and have another for when 
you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's Rifle and tell him so, he will probably 
let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary Rifle doesn't mind if you keep another Rifle 
for a backup.

#6. Your Rifle will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A Rifle doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Rifles function normally every day of the month.

#3. A Rifle doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A Rifle doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a Rifle is favored over a woman:

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A RIFLE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Moe & Joe


Two 90 year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their 
lives. 
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One 
day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we 
played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do
 me one favor, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let
 me know if there's baseball up there." 


Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed," Moe, you've been my 
best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor
 for you. 


Shortly after that, Joe passes on. 


At midnight a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a 
sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling 
out to him, " Moe--Moe." 


"Who is it? asks Moe sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" 


"Moe--it's me, Joe." 


"You're not Joe. Joe just died." 


"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice. 


"Joe! Where are you?" 


"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a 
little bad news." 


"Tell me the good news first," says Moe. 


"The good news," Joe says," is that there's baseball in heaven.
 Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here,
 too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's 
always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of
 all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired." 


"That's fantastic," says Moe. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! 
So what could possibly be the bad news?" 


"You're pitching NEXT Tuesday."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MOUSE BALLS


Techies, you gotta love em.....




I don't know how they wrote this with a 
straight face.


Mouse repair :
This was a real memo sent out by IBM 
to its employees in all seriousness. It 
went to all field engineers about a
peripheral problem. The author of this 
memo was quite genuine.
The engineers rolled on the floor ! 
Especially note the last couple of 
sentences.


'If a mouse fails to operate or should it 
perform erratically, it may need a 
replacement. Mouse balls are now available 
as FRU (Field
Replacement Units). Because of the 
delicate nature of this procedure, a 
replacement of mouse balls should only be 
attempted by properly trained personnel. 
Before proceeding, determine the type of 
mouse balls by examining the underside
 of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger 
and harder than foreign balls.


Ball removal procedures differ depending 
upon the manufacturer of the mouse. 
Foreign balls can be replaced using the 
pop off method. Domestic balls are 
replaced by using the twist off method.


Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. 
However, excessive handling can result in 
sudden discharge.


Upon completion of ball replacement, the 
mouse may be used immediately. It is 
recommended that each person have a 
pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum 
customer satisfaction.


Any customer missing his balls should 
contact the local personnel in charge of 
removing and replacing these necessary 
items.


Please keep in mind that a customer 
without properly working balls is an unhappy 
customer.
------------------------------------------------------------------