I have to confess, I enjoy life! In my lifetime, I have had my up's & downs just the same as anyone else who lives and breathes.Thats just the way life is! Don't waste it! You only get one chance to ride this "life-time" trail of life, so make sure that you enjoy it.
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I have scrounged(sponged,mooched & pilfered) from the internet, "all of the free
jokes and stories" that I could find so that I could make up some Blogs under:"It is Time for Humor"
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Elsie, an elderly lady, stopped to drive into a parking space when a young man in his brand new red BMW drove around her and parked in the space that she had been waiting for. Elsie was so angered that she approached the young fellow and enquired, through gritted teeth, 'I was about to park there.'
The man looked at her with disdain and replied, 'That's what you can do when you're young and bright.'
This annoyed Elsie even more, so she got back in her car, backed it up and then she stamped on the accelerator and rammed straight into his BMW.
The young man ran back to his car and shouted in a stunned voice, 'What did you do that for?'
Elsie smiled at him and said, 'That's what you can do when you're old and rich
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A group of pensioners were discussing their medical problems at the Day Centre morning coffee.
'Do you realize,' said one, 'My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.'
'Yes, I know.' replied the second, 'My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee.'
'I can't turn my head,' rejoined the third, 'because of the arthritis in my neck.'
'My blood pressure pills make my dizzy,' commented the fourth, adding, 'I guess that's the price we pay for getting old.'
'Well, it's not all bad,' piped up the first,'We should be thankful that we still have our driving licenses'.
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A teenage boy called Joel had just passed his driving test and asked Dad when they could discuss his use of the car.
Dad said 'Ill make a deal with you Joel, You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Joel, you've brought your grades up and I've seen that you have been studying your Bible. But I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my Bible studies that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
"Joel",did you also notice that all those people walked everywhere they went?"
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Here’s something to think about.***
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?”
“Oh no,” I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either!”
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said, “No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”
“No, I don’t,” I said.
He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”
“No,” I said.
He looked at me and said,” Then, why do you even give a crap?”
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An 86 year old fisherman was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’ He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ‘Pick me up.’ He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’ The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride.’ The old fisherman looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, ‘What are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’ He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, ‘Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.
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THE IMPORTANCE OF WALKING!
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I’m doing..
I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven’t lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they’ll say,
‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,……
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them instead
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