Hey!! What is this!

  Please Read Below!!!!

BACK TO CASH AND CARRY WOULD HELP ALSO!
 Bill Cosby has a great way of "distilling" things.  Looks like he's done it again!

THE USA and CANADA NEED A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!

I  HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE
YEAR 2012..  HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1). Any use of the phrase:
'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned.
English is the official language;  speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.

(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out
the greedy big business posture in this country. The USA and Canada will allow NO
imports,and we'll do no exports.     We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy,  'If  we ain't got
it, you don'tneed it.'  We'll make it here and sell it here!

(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.

(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers
located on the southern border of the United States and the border of Canada  (six month
tour).They will be under strict orders not to fire on  south bound  aliens.

(5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in,
you ain't gettin nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to
touch it.


(6). Welfare.-- Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school
week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.

(7). Professional Athletes -- Steroids?  The FIRST time you check positive you're banned
from sports ...for life.

(8). Crime -- We will adopt the Turkish method,  i.e.,  the  first time you steal,  you lose
your right hand. There is no more 'life sentences'. If convicted of murder, you will be put
to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation,
etc.

(9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However,
a bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10). All foreign aid, using American or Canadian taxpayer money, will immediately cease
and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes.
When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask The American People if they want to
donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not,
it's a worthy cause.

(11). The Pledge of Allegiance  will be said  every  day at  school and  every  day  in  the
US Congress.

(12). The National Anthem  will  be played at all appropriate ceremonies,  sporting events,
outings, etc.

My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes .... nevertheless....


GOD BLESS AMERICA AND CANADA!


Sincerely,  Bill Cosby

Please forward this to everyone you know, no matter which side of the fence they're on


A Thought for the Day [Kindly sent in by John Morris]

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If you can start the day without caffeine.
If you can get going without pep pills.
If you can always be cheerful ignoring aches and pains.
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it.
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time.
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when
through no fault of yours  something goes wrong.
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment.
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him.
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend.
If you can face the world without lies and deceit.
If you can conquer tension without medical help.
If you can relax without liquor.
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs.
.....Then you are probably the family dog!

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A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day
and said, 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man
ooked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table
was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and
each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the
handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons backinto their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'


They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's
mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here
 the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'


'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill.
You see they have learned to feedeach other,
while the greedy think only of themselves
(The greedy ones sound like our  politicians)
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Subject: the blond and the Lord

THE BLONDE AND THE LORD

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally
getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.After positioning her
comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.  Suddenly, from the
sky, a voice boomed,"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."


Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino,
and began to cut yet another hole.Again from the heavens the voice bellowed
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice.
She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.The voice came once
more, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, IS THAT YOU LORD?"
The voice replied,NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK"
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Story about an Early Morning Drunk

Rodney and Wilma wife are awakened at 3 o'clock early one Saturday
 morning by a loud pounding on the door.  Rodney man gets up and
goes to the door where he sees a drunken stranger, standing in the
pouring rain.

"Give us a push" says the swaying stranger.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning.
" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" Wilma asks.

"No. I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring with
rain outside.

His wife said, "Don't you remember about three months ago when
 we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should
 help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Rodney does as he is told, gets dressed and goes out into the
pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out Rodney.
"Yes. Please." comes the reply from the darkness.

"Where are you?" asks Rodney.
"Over here on the swing," replies the drunk.
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