Another Short Story for Women

Mail / Male Order?

Two Irish men, Kearney and O'Riordan were looking at a Mail order
catalogue and admiring the models. Kearney remarks to O'Riordan,
 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?'

O'Riordan replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price.'

Kearney says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive.
At this price, I'm buying one.'

O'Riordan, smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea.
 Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue,
 I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, Kearney, the youngest of the two asks his friend,
 O'Rordan, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered
 from that catalogue?'

O'Riordan replies with a glint in his eye,
'No, but it shouldn't be long now. She sent all her clothes yesterday
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One day Harry didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and
 figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Harry
 hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.
 However, since the only time they ever got together was at the
 park, Sam didn't know where Harry lived, so he was unable to
find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of
 Harry, but one day, Sam approached the park and-- lo and
behold!--there sat Harry! Sam was very excited and happy to
see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud
Harry, what in the world happened to you?'

Harry replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for?'

'Well,' Harry said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde
 waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and,
at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court,
I pled 'guilty'.

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
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During a visit to the doctor, I asked, "How do you determine
whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
 a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."


"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug.
Would you like a bed near the window?"



ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON  
OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE? :)
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Gentle Thoughts for Today--

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's
dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
 right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the
tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to
 buy a replacement   .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong ,
you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is
so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
 For example I am sitting here thinking
how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt   . <

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
"The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
 about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want
 people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
 think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either
dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's wors e when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
 it was called witchcraft.
Today, it's called golf

Lord,
Keep your arm around my shoulder
and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!
--
You can only be as happy as you let yourself be
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Subject: THINK




The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals.

King Kong, an Ape, an Orangutan and a Monkey pass by.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest
 to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality.

Think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds



Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.

If your answer is:

Orangutan = you're dull and normal
Ape = you're a moron
Monkey = worse, you're an idiot
King Kong = you're hopelessly stupid.
   
            Why?????
                         
A Coconut tree doesn't have bananas!
Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
Take some time off and relax!
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Pastor's business card

A new pastor was visiting in the
homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that
someone was at home,
but no answer came to his repeated
knocks on the door.

Therefore he took out a business
card and wrote
'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it
and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed
the following Sunday,he
found that his card had been
returned. Added to it was this
cryptic message,'Genesis 3:10.'

Reaching for his bible to check
out the citation, he broke up
in gales of laughter.Revelation 3:20
 begins 'Behold, I stand at
the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10
reads, 'I heard your voice in
the garden and I was afraid
for I was naked.'

.A cheerful heart is good
medicine' (Prov. 17:22)
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