A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby
delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital
was testing an amazing new high-tect machine that would
transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain the the baby's
father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. Both said
they were very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters,
explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than
the father had ever experienced before.But as the labor
progressed,the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to
go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked
the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well
he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.The
husband continued to feel quite well.Since the pain transfer
was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband
encourage the doctor to transfer all of the pain to him.The
wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain,and the
husband had experienced none.She and her husband were
ecstatic.
When they got home,they found the UPS man dead on the
porch.
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True Story about Flash the Entrepreneur by Guy Thomas
Flash and I went to the same school. We were not close friends,
but our paths crossed from time to time. This is the story of how
Flash came by his epithet.
In 1966, you could buy about 12 packets of flash washing powder
for a UK pound. To give the story perspective you could also get
40 mars bars for one UK pound. As a marketing gimmick, flash
offered four UK pounds if your birthday happened to match a date,
which they printed on each packet. Each packet had a different
date printed inside the lid. As I remember, you had to send in
your birth certificate by way of proof.
To digress, the first lesson of this story is that no one suddenly
becomes an entrepreneur, you have to serve your
apprenticeship. Flash had just taken money from us by betting
that two boys in any class of thirty would have the same
birthday. We could choose any class in the school. Many of
us lost money, then we foolishly doubled our losses by
betting on another class. Flash, even as a fifteen year old,
knew what we didn't ; the break-even point for this bet is
24 people, over that number the odds are more and more
in favour of two birthdays on the same date.
Anyway, armed with his winnings Flash hatched his famous plan.
He bought 12 packets of flash washing powder, ripped off the
labels and carefully noted the birthdays. He then went around
the school of 350 boys asking each their birthday and if any
matched, he sold them a flash label with their birthday for 50p
down and another 50p when they got the four pounds.
He soon sold eight birthday labels for 4 pounds,
so making a profit of three pounds.
His next move was smart, he bought up the entire stock of
Flash from the only store in town. This tactic prevented copycats
from easily getting their hands on the stock. Legend has it
that flash said to the shocked grocer, 'rip me off the labels and
give the powder to needy pensioners' .
♪
After a fortnight Flash had made over one hundred pounds.
His exploits even featured on the local news. Moreover,
the first boys started receiving their four pounds and thus
he was receiving a second 50p not to mention a flood
of new orders.
Then disaster nearly struck. Flash the powder manufacturer,
wrote to the boys saying that unfortunately they had
exhausted their local quota of payouts. However, by way
of consolation, they offered kitchen knife. I say disaster
nearly struck, because the first boy to receive such a letter
was Fred, captain of the school rugby team. Fred was not
impressed with the kitchen knife, a fact he told to Flash in no
uncertain terms, when he cornered him in the changing room.
Flash was the antithesis of a sportsman, and avoided
physical exertion at all costs, but he was quick witted,
and not only did he give Fred a full refund, but he made
Fred an offer to act as his protector. Fred listened carefully
and after folding money changed hands, agreed to protect
Flash from the rest of the disgruntled boys.
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10 Bungling Burglar Stories
Investigating a purse snatching in Brunswick, Georgia, detectives
picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him
back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the
victim for an ID. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted,
'Yeah, that's the woman I robbed.'
In Nashville, they tell of a burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of
the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.
In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent
couldn't get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for
money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn't fire.
Grabbing the cash register, he ran......but got only three feet
before falling down. The register was still plugged into the
wall. Unplugging it, he tried again, but a diner knocked him
to the him and called the police.
In Rhode Island, police were sure they had the right man when
the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts
paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters.
Texas authorities, responding to a store robbery, seized a man
who was fleeing naked. He said he'd stripped after the job
because he figured his clothes would make him identifiable.
In Lawrence, Kansas, officers tracked a midnight thief who prided
himself on his running speed by following the red lights on his
high-tech tennis shoes.
In Virginia, a janitor went to great lengths to avoid ID. in a
"Seven-Eleven" robbery, using a ski mask and rental car
for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which
said "Cedar Woods Apartments" and had his name,
Dwayne, stitched across the front.
Two robbers in Michigan, USA, entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!'
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
A robber, in a town in Germany, was caught after he escaped
with his swag but he left his trousers behind. Police
successfully arrested him at a railway station trying to board
a train in his underpants.
You couldn't invent these funny occurrences.
A bungling Australian car thief was nabbed after accidentally
locking himself in the vehicle he was
trying to steal in Adelaide, Australia.
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Pregnant Turkey
*This is priceless - would love to do this.*
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my
sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing
how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to
play a trick. She told my sister that she needed
something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of
the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,
and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the
turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the
turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the
stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something,
she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother
exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant
bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news,
my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that
turkeys lay eggs!
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