Oxymorons
This should put a good laugh or smile in your day !
1, Is it good if a vacuum cleaner really sucks?
2, Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand.
3, If a word is misspelled in the dictionary,how would anyone know?
4, If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words.
5, Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6, Why does "slow down" and "slow up",mean the same thing?
7, Why does "fat chance" and"slim chance" mean the same thing?
8, Why do "tug" boats push barges?
9, Why do we sins"Take me out to the ball game" when we are there?
10,Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11,Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12,Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13,Why are a "wise man" and "wise guy" opposites?
14,Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15,Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16,If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it ?
17,If all the world is a stage,where is the audience?
18,If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19,If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia,can you read ok?
20,Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21,Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
when you know the batteries are dead?
22,Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23,How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24,Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25,Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26,Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27,Christmas-What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead
tree and eat candy out of your stocking?
28,Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
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Any Idea what this is?A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in
which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or
unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to
reframe or reinterpret the first part. Now you know!
Subject: Paraprosdokian Sentences
Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.
Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and
then proceed to tell you why it isn’t
.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.
Ø Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything,
but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down
the stairs.
Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool
and throw them fish.
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay
checks.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an
emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.
Ø I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…
so I said “Implants?”
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
they are sexy.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some
good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist.
They won’t expect it back.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in
such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home,
even if you wish they were.
Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed
touches my foot.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever
they go.
Ø There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can’t get away.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon,
and a shot of tequila.
Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
Ø Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.
Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes,
why do some people have more than one child?
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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