Always Amusing Short Stories #1

Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #139

** Tech Support Calls **

Customer: "My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document,
so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn't fit!"

Tech Support: "Have you made backups of your software and data?"
Customer: "I didn't know it had a reverse."

Customer: "All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!"
Tech Support: "Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?"
Customer: "No, I don't. I just know it was on my C: drive."
Tech Support: "Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files."
Customer: "I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer.
Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday."

Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: "Ok, I can help you install the software.
                      Would you like me to do that?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?"
Customer: "How?"
Tech Support: "Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer."
Customer: "Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?"
Tech Support: "Um yes, that might be an idea."

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
                            can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Customer: "How do you spell 'Internet America'?
                     Is there a space between 'inter' and 'net'?"
Tech Support: "No space between 'inter' and 'net'. It's spelled normally."
Customer: "Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?"
Tech Support: "That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A."
Customer: "I-C-K???"
Tech Support: "'A' as in apple"
Customer: "There's no 'K' in apple!"

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Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #140

** Assorted Stories **

1) Eternal Rivalry - Army an Navy

An old Sailor and an old Fleet Air Arm were sitting in the Duke of Buckingham arguing
about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Fleet declared proudly,
"and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa,
clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine
gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur.
We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always
under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.

"Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped
through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking
under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire-fight, we'd fire until our arms ached
and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

"Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "lucky tommy, all shore duty, huh?"
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2) Big Frank

Big Frank was having his hair styled at the hairdresser’s when a lorry smashed into a car, outside.
 Draped in a cape, his hair divided with aluminium clips, Frank, an ex-paratrooper corporal raced
out to the car and found the driver unhurt.

The lorry driver, however, was slumped over the wheel, unconscious. Big Frank lost no time in
applying his army acquired CPR techniques, including mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The lorry
driver recovered consciousness several times, but kept passing out again.

Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took over, and Frank returned to his barber’s
seat. "I just don't understand why he kept passing out," he said to the hairdresser.
"I did everything they taught me."

"Well, put yourself in the lorry driver's place," said the hairdresser. "He's driving down the street
without a care in the world. The next thing he knows, he's waking up to see some big guy in a green
 cape with a head full of wires pounding on his chest and kissing him. You'd pass out too"
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3) Crazy Aussie Driver

A drunk driver tried to avoid arrest by leaping into the back of his moving car during a chase in the
Australian outback.
Police in the Northern Territory town of Katherine were stunned when they realised the 24-year-old
driver had abandoned the controls and jumped on to the back seat with his three passengers in an
apparent attempt to fool officers. The runaway car continued for 150 metres at 25mph before police
on foot ran it down and applied the brakes.

Police said the driver panicked when they tried to pull him over for a random breath test.

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