Friday, May 20, 2011

More humor for you !!!

I have heard a version of this same story. Read Footnote!!

Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #46

Sometimes those who try and pull rank get their come-uppance.
One foggy night, a United States Aircraft Carrier was cruising off the coast 
of Newfoundland and the junior radar operator spotted a light in the gloom. 

Here is a transcript of what happened next.

The radar operator worked out that a collision was likely unless the other 
vessel changed course. So he sent a radio message.
U.S. Aircraft Carrier Radar Officer:
Please divert your course at least 7 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Back came the reply; you must be joking, I recommend you divert your 
course instead.

The U.S. Radar Officer referred the matter to his superior officer.  And 
reported the incident as insubordination.

As a result the  Captain of the Air Craft Carrier sent a second message. 
 I believe that I out rank you, and am giving you a direct order to divert 
your course now!!!

Canadian Radio Operator: This is a lighthouse.  I suggest you take 
evasive action.

The lighthouse story is the urban myth.  I heard a rumour that the 
story is discussed at the annual coastguards convention, where 
the different versions are compared and scored. 
 Apparently most versions are preposterous because the ship 
would have had visual contact with the lighthouse.  However, 
if you add in fog to your version you gain credibility -at least in the 
eyes of the lighthouse keepers.

A youg couple got married and went on their honey moon. When they
got back the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well," said her mother,"so how was the honeymoon"

'Oh,mama,"she replied,'the honeymoon was wonderfull! So romanic!"

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But,mama as soon as we returned,
Sam started using the most horrible language--things I'd never heard 
before!  I mean all these awful 4-letter words! You have to take me 

"Sarah,Sarah," her mother said,"calm down! You need to stay with your
husband and work this out. Now, tell me.what could be so awful?WHAT
4-letter words?""Please don't make me tell you mama,"I'm so 
embarrassed, they're just too awful!! PLEASE COME AND GET ME!"

"Darling,baby,you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother 
these horrible 4-letter words.

sobbing,the bride said,"Oh Mama....he used words like: dust, wash, iron
,and cook.."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes,"said the mother.

* Thief and the Parrot 

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He stealthily 
crept through the lounge and was stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a loud voice
 clearly saying, "Jesus is watching you!" 

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice rang out again.

The thief stopped dead again. He was frightened out of his wits. Frantically, he looked all 
around. In a dark corner, he spotted a birdcage and in the cage was a parrot

He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" 

"Yes," said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a heavy sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" 

"Moses," said the bird.

"That's a stupid name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Moses?" 

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the rottweiller Jesus."

I know you love Blonde Jokes. In this joke the Blonde is a " GUY " because the 
girls have unfairly been associated with "Blonde" jokes for far too long!!

The Blonde Journal
 Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight

 Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helloooooo!!!.......bottles 
 won't fit in printer!!!

 Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 said  "2-4 years!"

 Trapped on escalator for hours....power went out!!!

 Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't  fit into those 
 little packets!!!

Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.

 Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other 
swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

 Got locked out of my car in rain swamped because soft-top 
was open.

 The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

 Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

 Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I
weigh 108!!

Couldn't call 911 . "duh"..... there's no "eleven" Button on the stupid 

 A gal was in her front yard mowing grass when her handsome blonde male 
neighbor came out of  the house and went straight to the mailbox. He 
opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

 A little later he came out of his house again,  went to the mailbox and  
opened it, slammed it shut & angrily went back into the house.

As the gal was getting ready to edge the lawn, here he came out again, 
marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder 
than ever. Puzzled by his actions the gal asked him,"Is something wrong?
" To which he replied, "There certainly is!"

 (Are you ready? This is a beauty...)

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!!!!"

Here is proof that we've become too dependent on our computers:
Are you Male or Female?
To find out the answer, look down…
Look down, dammit,
Not scroll down!

Well,my friends,I have tested your patience enough
for one day with my so-called humor. See you in another e-mail!

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