An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired
mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his
parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch
rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a
bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man,
have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance ...
Never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and
said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at
the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around
like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired,
the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to
go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun,
and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the
desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the
sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the
large gaping holes of those twin 10 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun
never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said,
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... But...
I've always wanted to."
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There are a few lessons for us all here:
1-Never be arrogant.
2-Don't waste ammunition.
3-Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4-Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5-Don't mess with old folks, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
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Top 25 Signs that You've Grown Up
1-Your potted plants stay alive.
2-Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd.
3-You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4-6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5-You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6-You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
7-Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
8-You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
9-Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10-You're the one calling the police because those darn kids
next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
11-Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12-You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13-Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14-You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15-Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16-You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17-Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18-MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
19-You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.
20-A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21-You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22-Grocery lists are longer than macaroni and cheese, diet Pepsi
and Hi-Ho's.
23-"I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to
drink that much again."
24-Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for
real work.
25-You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
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Redneck and dog.
One hot summer day, a redneck came to town with
his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, & headed
into the bar for a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar
and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree
outside?'
The redneck said that it was his.
' Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The redneck replied, 'No way. She is cool 'cause
she's tied up under that shade tree'
The policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand.
Your dog needs to be bred.'
' No way,' said the redneck.' That dog don't need
bread. She ain't hungry 'cause I fed her this
morning.
The exasperated policeman said, 'No! you don't
understand; your dog wants to have sex '!
The redneck looked at the cop and said, 'Well.
go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'
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Proof reading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and
called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized
that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day.
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I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
***************************************************
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity
and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even
a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ah, the Golden Years!
A row of bottles on my shelf - Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop - Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take - Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot - Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain - And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze - Or cough or choke or even sneeze..
The red ones, smallest of them all - Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright - Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills - Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know.......... -
Is what tells each one where to go!
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