"I can resist everything except temptation."
Short funny quotes, Oscar Wilde.
"There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and
ready money."
Short funny quotes, Franklin.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've
done it a thousand times."
Short funny quotes, Mark Twain.
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem,
it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
Short funny quotes, David Friedman.
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little
kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the
United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."
Short funny quotes, George Bush.
"The shortest distance between two points is under
construction."
Short funny quotes, Noelie Altito.
"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for
the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
Short funny quotes, Ken Dodd.
"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on
every side of a fool"
Short funny quotes, Edgar Watson Howe.
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
Short funny quotes, Paul Getty.
=========================================================
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you?
Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!
================================================================
"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot"
Short Funny Quote by, Unkown.
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"Lifes Tough, get a helmet!"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through
peanut butter."
Short Funny Quote by, Dilbert.
"Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the
local sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous member of a chain gang.
"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75%
desperation"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!"
Short Funny Quote by, Unknown.
"Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous.
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants."
Short Funny Quote by, Whitney Brown.
"Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
the trouble starts when they try to decide which one."
Short Funny Quote by, Anonymous.
"Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and
a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom."
Short Funny Quote by, Rodney Dangerfield.
=======================================================
"I can resist everything except temptation."
Short funny quotes, Oscar Wilde.
"There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and
ready money.
Short funny quotes, Franklin.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've
done it a thousand times."
Short funny quotes, Mark Twain.
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem,
it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
Short funny quotes, David Friedman.
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little
kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the
United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."
Short funny quotes, George Bush.
"The shortest distance between two points is under
construction."
Short funny quotes, Noelie Altito.
"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for
the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
Short funny quotes, Ken Dodd.
"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on
every side of a fool"
Short funny quotes, Edgar Watson Howe.
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
Short funny quotes, Unknown.
"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
Short funny quotes, Paul Getty.
==================================================
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and
lightning."
Short funny quotes, Anonymous.
"Half of the people in the world are below average."
Short funny quotes, Anonymous.
"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up
somewhere else!"
Short and funny quotes, Yogi Berra.
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change.
Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly
they are both disappointed."
Short and funny quotes, Albert Einstein
"Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important."
Short and funny quotes, Lisa Hoffman.
"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."
Short and funny quotes, Anonymous.
"A rich man's joke is always funny."
Short and funny quotes, Proverb.
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat
us as equals."
Short and funny quotes, Winston Churchill.
=====================================================
Newest Inspirational Quotes
The best rules to form a young man are: to talk little, to hear
much, to reflect alone upon what has passed in company,
to distrust one's own opinions, and value others that deserve it
- Sir William Temple
Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most
difficult lesson in the world
- Miguel de Cervantes
Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less,
breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more,
and good things will be yours
- Swedish Proverb
A man who finds no satisfaction in himself will seek for it in vain
elsewhere
- La Rochefoucauld
If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound
ourselves
- Thomas Edison
Energy and persistence conquer all things
- Benjamin Franklin
In three words I can sum up what I know about life:
It goes on
- Robert Frost
Heed the still small voice that so seldom leads us wrong,
and never into folly
- Marquise du Deffand
====================================================
Newest Inspirational Quotes
The best rules to form a young man are: to talk little, to hear much,
to reflect alone upon what has passed in company, to distrust one's
own opinions, and alue others that deserve it
- Sir William Temple
Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult
lesson in the world
- Miguel de Cervantes
Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe
more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things
will be yours
- Swedish Proverb
A man who finds no satisfaction in himself will seek for it in vain
elsewhere
- La Rochefoucauld
If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound
ourselves
- Thomas Edison
Energy and persistence conquer all things
- Benjamin Franklin
In three words I can sum up what I know about life: It goes on
- Robert Frost
Heed the still small voice that so seldom leads us wrong, and
never into folly
- Marquise du Deffand
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