Saturday, February 26, 2011

So you know how to play Golf !!!

For My Golf Brother's Enjoyment!!

Golf is harder than baseball, you have to play your foul balls!

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took
his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something
glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an
eight iron in the hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, “Jack, I’ve got trouble down here!”
“What’s the matter?” Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
“Bring me my wedge,” Joe shouted. “You can’t get out of here with
an eight iron.
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
“Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor.
“P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied.
“Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely
a vain attempt to do the same thing.”
The owner of a golf course was confused about
paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his
secretary for some mathematical help. He called
her into his office and said, ‘You graduated from
the University of Tennessee and I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how
much would you take off?’  She replied:  “Everything but my ear rings!”
My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother.
“You have to count my strokes,” my brother told him.
“How much is six plus nine plus eight?”
“Five,” answered the nephew.
“Okay,” my brother said, “let’s go.”
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of
tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing
left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins.
And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain,
the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: your life is in trouble
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before
taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
The term ‘mulligan’ is really a contraction of the
phrase ‘maul it again.’
A ‘gimme’ can best be defined as an agreement
between two golfers … neither of whom
can putt very well.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter
how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse
Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out
and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and
miss every green. The next day you go out and
for no reason at all you really stink.
If your best shots are the practice swing and
the ‘gimme putt’, you might wish to reconsider
this game.
Golf is the only sport where the most feared
opponent is you
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too
seriously it won’t work, and both are expensive.
The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.
Scratch Golfer
Two women were put together as partners in the club tournament and
met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer
asked, “What’s your handicap?”
“Oh, I’m a scratch golfer,” the other replied.
“Really!” exclaimed the first woman suitably impressed that she was
paired up with her.
“Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!”

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