Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Paraprosdokian Examples

Any Idea what this is?A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Now you know!

Subject: Paraprosdokian Sentences

Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for           forgiveness.
Ø   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Ø   I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers    in his car.
Ø   Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Ø   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø   If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Ø   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø   War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Ø   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Ø   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Ø   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø   Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Ø   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.
Ø   I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Ø   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. She won’t expect it back.
Ø   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø   Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
Ø   I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Ø   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø   There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
Ø   I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
Ø   I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Ø   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Ø   Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Ø   Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Ø   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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