Redhead??
(7/2/2003)
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her
body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible" says the doctor..
"Show me!"
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and
screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, she pushes her ankle and
screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor asks, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No" she says," I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken".
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The Drinks Are On Me
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender [with a
drunken slur], 'Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink,
pour yourself one, and give me the bill.'
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00.
The drunk says, 'I haven't got it.'
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws
him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once
again says [with a drunken slur], 'Bartender, buy everyone in
the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.'
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he
can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice,
so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of
for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill
for $67.00.
The drunk says, 'I haven't got it.'
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living
daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says
[with a drunken slur], 'Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink,
give me the bill.'
In disgust, the bartender says, 'What, no drink for me this time?'
The drunk replies, 'You! No Way! You get too violent when you drink.'
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Lecture Tour With A Difference
After an evening out, Roger was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly
left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he
was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at three
o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this
time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.
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Raffle Winner
'Tell me, Ronan, how did you manage to get so very drunk last
night?' asked the parish priest.
'Well you see, Father, it was like this. I got into very bad company
after winning a bottle of whiskey at a raffle.'
'But you were with Mick McGahey, Ryan O'Toole, and Patrick
McCann and they don't drink.'
'Dat's what I mean, Father...
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Meet The Wife
Mike, an alcoholic, staggered into a bar and, after staring for some
time at the only woman seated there, walked up to her and gave
her a kiss. She jumped up and slapped him really hard. Mike
immediately apologised and explained, 'Look, I'm sorry. I
thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.'
'Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!'
she bellowed at the top of her voice. 'Funny,' Mike muttered,
shaking his head, 'you even sound exactly like her.'
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Another Bartender Joke
George, the bartender, asks the Hillbilly, who is sitting at the bar,
'What'll you have?'
Hillbilly answers, 'Ah, I'll have a scotch, please.'
George hands him the drink, and says, 'That'll be $7.60,' to which
the Hillbilly splutters, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you
anything for this.'
Roger, a lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation,
then says to George, the bartender, 'You know, he's got you there.
In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon
acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.'
George was singularly unimpressed, so he says to the Hillbilly,
'OK, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me ever catch
you in here again.'
The next day, the Hillbilly again, walks into the bar. George glowers
and rasps, 'What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe
you've got the audacity to come back! 'The Hillbilly smiles and says,
'What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!'
George looks at the Hillbilly closely and mutters, 'I'm sorry, but
this is uncanny. You must have a double. 'The Hillbilly, without
missing a beat says, 'Thank you, bartender. Make it a scotch.'
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