WISDOM FROM TRAINING MANUALS
'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal-
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over
the area you just bombed.'
- US.Air Force Manual –
'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword,
obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur –
''You, you, and you ... Panic !"
"The rest of you, come with me !''
- Infantry Sgt.-
''Tracers work both ways.''
- Army Ordnance Manual-
''Five second fuses last about three seconds.''
- Infantry Journal –
The three most useless things in aviation are:
1. Fuel in the bowser; 2. Runway behind you;
and 3. The Air above you.
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
''Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.''
- Naval Ops Manual -
''Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.''
- Unknown Infantry Recruit-
'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.'
- Infantry Journal-
''Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death,
I Shall Fear No Evil.
For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.''
- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-
''You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.''
-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-
''The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.''
-Unknown Author-
''If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be
a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.''
- Fixed Wing Pilot-
''When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always
have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.''
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-
''Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.''
-Unknown Author-
''If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject !", the last two will be echos.'
If you stop to ask "Why ?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by
then you'll be the pilot.'
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot-
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots ?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up,
.... the pilot dies.'
-Sign over Control Tower Door-
'Never trade luck for skill.'
-Author Unknown-
The three most common expressions (or famous last words)
in military aviation are:
''Did you feel that ?'' ''What's that noise ?'' and ''Oh S@#*...!''
-Authors Unknown-
'Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight
to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing
anything about it.'
- Emergency Checklist-
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
It can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) -
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ-
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes
full power to taxi to the terminal.'
- Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft,
having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing,
the crash truck arrives.
The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks,’
What happened ?'
The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself !'
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Lexiphile (i.e., "lovers of words" you know, like,,,,,
you can tune a piano,....but you can't tuna fish,
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger
..... then it hit me,
To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles . . . U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . .
was on shaky ground.
The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. . . .
They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a . . . dead giveaway.
If you don't pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name . . . and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you . . .
A-flat miner.
You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it .
Local Area Network in Australia . . . The LAN down under.
A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.
When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . .
resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . .
He's all right now.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . .
jog your memory.
A bicycle can't stand alone . . . it is two tired.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts, in feudalism . . .
it's your Count that votes.
When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . .
was fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be . . .
exposed in the end.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair . . .
she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture: . . . a jab well done.
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