Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #20
* American Army Soldier Yarn
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #60
Three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to
a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy
tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their respective
seats but all three engineers cram into a toilet and close the
door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the
conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the
toilet door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the
engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they
get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To
their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one
perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a
toilet and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his toilet and
walks over to the toilet where the accountants are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
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Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio
concerning guns and children.
This is a portion of an American National Public Radio (NPR)
interview between a female interviewer and US Marine Corps
General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
visiting his military installation:
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are
you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach the Boy Scouts
climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible,
isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly
supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly
dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them
proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become
you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
## Footnote - Confession time
The saga of General Reinwald is an urban myth. Internet
archaeologists have traced this funny army back to a Welsh
broadcast with a scout master in 1997. As with all good stories,
in the intervening years it has been adapted and Americanized.
Will and Guy thank Nancy Hoagland for supplying this extra
research and insight into the myth of General Reinwald.
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Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #24
Today we have a classic of our philosophy - something for
everyone.
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In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting
on when patients would die.
Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
"Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.
In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first
time are teenagers.
Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.
Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents
thought he might be retarded.
In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are
automobiles.
About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still
sitting on it.
You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day that in
any other weather.
An average person laughs about 5 times a day.
Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who
have recently eaten bananas.
Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he
doesn't wear pants.
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 mph.
The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ,
Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband
doesn't give her coffee.
The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
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Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #25
* 10 Funny One-liners To Cheer Up You and Your Colleagues
1.I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
2.99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
3.42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4.Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
5.Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
6.A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7.Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
8.How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
9.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.
10.What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* Ducking and Diving.
A duck walks into a shop, and asks for a red lipstick. The cashier
says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."
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