Enjoyable Jokes

A football coach walked into the changing room before a game.  He looked over to his
new signing and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed arithmetic, but
we need you to be in the team. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if
you get it right then you will be allowed to play."

The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now
concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it correct.

Suddenly all the other players on the team began shouting..., "Come on coach, give him
another chance!"

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* Football Joke -  Seat in Stand?

Bernie and Eddie were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester
United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (K37)
to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all
three could have seats together.

One half-time Bernie went to the ticket office and asked if they could by buy the season
ticket for K37.  The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold.  Nevertheless,
week after week the seat was still empty.

Then on Boxing day, much to Bernie and Eddie's amazement the seat was taken for the
first time that season.  Eddie could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you
been all season'.  Don't ask he said, the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept
 it for a surprise Christmas present.

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What a Dedicated Fan

Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old
Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat - next to Michael.

'Who does that seat belong to?' asked the person in the next seat.
'My wife usually sits there.'  Michael replied

'But why isn't she here?'  the neighbour persisted
'She died.'  Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.

'So why didn't you give the ticket to one of your mates?'
'They've all gone to the funeral.'  Said Michael.
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ital Know It All
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to
audit the books of a local hospital.
While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the
 CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages.
What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left
to be of any use?”
“Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send
them back to the bandage company and every now and then they
send us a free box of bandages.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
 question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his
obnoxious way.
“What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do
 with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying
 to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send
it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us
 a free package of plaster.”

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This took place in Charlotte North Carolina. A lawyer  purchased
a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them
against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having  smoked his entire stockpile of these
great cigars, the lawyer filed a  claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer  stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of
small fires..’ The insurance  company refused to pay, citing the
obvious reason, that the man had  consumed the cigars in the normal
fashion.The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with  the insurance company
that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated  nevertheless, that
the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which  it had warranted
 that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that  it would
 insure them against fire, without defining what is considered  to be
 unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the  claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the  insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for  his
 loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’.
NOW   FOR THE BEST PART…
After the lawyer cashed the check, the  insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance  claim and testimony from the previous
case being used against him, the  lawyer was convicted of intentionally
 burning his insured property and  was sentenced to 24 months in jail
and a $24,000 fine. This true story  won First Place in last year’s
Criminal Lawyers Award  contest.
ONLY IN   AMERICA!


The Way his Mother Used to…

He didn’t like my casserole
He didn’t like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard,
Not like mother used to make.
I didn’t perk the coffee right
He didn’t like my stew,
I didn’t mend his socks
The way mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
Was searching for a clue,
Then turned around and smacked him…
Like his Mother used to do.

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My wife and I took a Poem writing course together. After a few
weeks we decided to share what we had written
:
WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart
& I got a Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created food.
He saw me thirsty, he created water.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU
.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
.
HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in a zoo.
Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you

and that’s when the fight started…
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three Wishes
A man walking on the beach came across an odd-looking bottle.
Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his
surprise, a genie actually appeared. “For releasing me from the
bottle, I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie.
“But there’s a catch,” the genie continued. “For each of your wishes,
every lawyer in the world will receive double what you asked for.”
First, the man wished for a Ferrari. POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front
of him. “Now, every lawyer in the world has been given two Ferraris,”
said the genie. “What is your next wish?”
“I could really use a million dollars.” replied the man, and POOF! One
million dollars appeared at his feet. “Now, every lawyer in the world is
two million dollars richer,” the genie reminded the man, and then
 asked him for his third wish.
The man thought for a minute and said,
 “Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.
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